I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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