I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I could fuck to npr.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
