I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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