They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
