I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
