Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
