He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
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