Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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