Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
the gays at disneyland are vicious
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
