You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
