If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This is my gift to your gina
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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