You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
