she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize