at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
