My sheets look like a crime scene.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize