My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
