Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
