hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
