About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
