call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize