I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
