Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
