The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We got so high we made milksteak
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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