the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
