he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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