I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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