You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
