we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
