Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
