Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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