I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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