he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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