Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
