You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
