Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This is my gift to your gina
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
