Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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