That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
