my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
