I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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