when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
