i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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