Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
