areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize