I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Randomize
