the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
