shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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