And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
BRING THE BAGELS
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
