I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You are the jesus of drinking
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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