**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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