I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
