I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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