i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
