drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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