I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
did you just send me my own nude
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
