So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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