on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
