Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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