DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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