i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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