Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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