wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
