i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No subtext here. People are naked.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
