doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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