I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
