It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
