Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
