I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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