My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
