Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
operation harelip BJ is a go
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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