party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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