i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
