If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
