woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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