there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
