I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
