Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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