The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize