I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
