my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
