started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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