I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
