i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
