so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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