Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
