guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize