Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
