She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
