at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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