There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
