I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
