FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
