whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
