Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
