Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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