4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
