Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
