Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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